I'm a fresh graduate and about to start a new chapter in my life. How hard could it be?


Well, it is hard af. The struggle of keeping up with the expectation of getting a job and earning for your own self is just too much. Others expect you to quickly figure everything out. How do I do it? How can I do it? Truthfully, I am lost.

Honestly, I am one of the people who still doesn't know what she wants to do with their life. Maybe, I know - I want to earn money by doing what I love. EH? Pretty cliche? I know.

The past months had been a blur. It was a constant battle with my mind - trying to answer my own questions (even others' lol). I got to realize some details every now and then ; I've been getting a puzzle piece here and there.. but those were not enough. Most of the things I discovered were the responsibilities I hate doing. Now, I have a long list of what I do not want to do.. so... the problem is, what do I love doing?

I know the answer. I just do not want to accept it. I am scared of how people will look at me. I am afraid that I would not be able to earn with it. I also see myself as incompetent and lacking. And one of my major concerns is that.. my degree does not have anything to do with it.

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Two companies are expecting my answers today - they are waiting for me to join them. Obviously, one company will get my thumbs up and another would be rejected. I still do not know what firm to choose. It is actually a battle of what I want to do and (I think) others expect me to do.

What will I choose?

I know that all my decisions are up to me and that nobody can actually dictate what I should do. People say that I should follow your heart but sometimes it is really just too complicated and not as easy as that. Maybe, I just do not want to disappoint others. Maybe right now, I can sacrifice for a while. Maybe right now, I'm still weak and coward to follow my heart..

But you know..
Maybe someday, I will be able to do what I love.
Maybe someday.