remembering your why
5:48 PM
January was painful for me.
February was better – my redemption. March is looking to be worse than before.
The last week of February was
unexpected. All the sad emotions suddenly rushed in my system. March is
starting to make me realize that all I did last February was compartmentalize
and hide all my emotions. I actually thought that I was finally better. My life
was starting to fall back into place. Apparently, it isn’t. Everything is now
starting to fall apart…. Again? All the shit that I have been hiding for the
past month are starting to haunt me back. What’s even worse is that I do now
know why… and I do not know how to handle everything anymore.
It has been affecting my
daily productivity. My emotions are spiraling. Everything seems heavier than
usual.
I’m trying to cope up. I’m
trying to make everything disappear again but compartmentalizing has been
failing me for the past weeks. So this is what I have been doing: I am currently reading self-help articles.
Basically, articles that tackle how to function when you feel empty or broken.
I honestly just need to function. No need to be happy or whatever - I need to be productive.
One article said that I have
to go back to my why. I have to remind myself why I am doing everything… why I
am here in the first place. So I started pondering, why?
And then it hit me…
The why I have been holding
on to for a long time is gone.
Now, I feel lost.
I feel empty.
I feel clueless.
So, why?
I don’t even know.
Maybe someday I’ll find it
again.
Losing your life’s purpose is
the worst thing that could ever happen.
I hope this won’t happen to
you.
Until next time.
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